


Hermione's Surprise Party

by Renny236



Series: A Harmonious Universe [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Family, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-War, Surprise Party, life with kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26552761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renny236/pseuds/Renny236
Summary: This is a cautionary tale illustrating why surprise parties are generally a bad, bad idea.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Series: A Harmonious Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939096
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Hermione's Surprise Party

**Author's Note:**

> This story is an outtake from my story A Wizard Looks at 40. It is not necessary to first read that story to enjoy this one, although several OCs from that story are mentioned briefly in this.

_September 19, 2009 - very late_

  
"We meant well," Harry tried tentatively.

Hermione looked up. She'd finally stopped crying, but her face was blotchy and red. And he was pretty sure that if looks could actually kill, he'd be a dead wizard.

"I just don't know what you were _thinking_ , Harry. I mean, how could you think THIS," her arms gestured wildly around her, "was a good idea?" He was alarmed to see her chin start to wobble again as her eyes welled.

Dropping to his knees, he knelt beside her on the carpet where she'd sat for the past 20 minutes sobbing into the sofa cushions. "Hey, hey," he said softly, cautiously running his hand over her hair. "Shh, love. It's fine, it's…" _'The wrong thing to say, apparently,'_ Harry thought, as his wife's head whipped round so suddenly his mouth snapped shut, an unconscious self-defense move that cut off the rest of his sentence.

He was nearly bowled over as Hermione leapt to her feet. "Fine? It's **fine** , is it?" Merlin, were those SPARKS coming off her hair? Frantically, Harry tried to calculate the chances of splinching if he tried to apparate from a seated position. " **I don't see how you can consider this FINE, Harry!"** She was yelling.

"Shush, love…." It was too late - the sound of wailing wafted down the hallway from the nursery. They stared at one another in horror, and Hermione started to cry again, dropping to the sofa and toppling over to bury her face in it. "I j-just c-can't…"

Harry scrambled up, already edging out of the room. "No worries, love, I'll grab her before she wakes Jamie." He tore down the hallway, snatched two year old Minerva from her cot and cast a Silencing bubble around the two of them before cautiously peeking into four year old Jamie's room. As always, his heart warmed at the sight of his son in sleep – he was sprawled diagonally across the bed, limbs akimbo, sleeping coverless despite the chill in the room.

"He hasn't a care in the world, has he, pet?" he whispered to Minerva, bouncing her gently, as he tugged a blanket over his eldest. "Your brother would sleep through Voldemort's next coming, wouldn't he?" he said as he stepped into the hallway and closed the door to Jamie's room behind them.

Minnie had stopped wailing but there was still definite lip-wobbling. "M-mama?" she asked uncertainly. Harry froze, guiltily glancing to his right in the direction of the family room. _'Don't even think about it, Potter,'_ he thought firmly. _'Bad plan.'_

"Shush, love," he murmured, hoping this line would work better on Minerva than it had on her mother. "Mama's asleep," he added, mentally crossing his fingers as he carried his daughter back to the nursery, closing the door behind them and cancelling the bubble. "It's time for all good witches to be in bed, Minerva," he said as he checked her nappy. _'Still dry, thank Merlin. A small break.'_ "Are you feeling sick?" he asked, studying her. As she shook her head, he lifted her again. Holding her close, he swayed gently as he crooned softly into her ear. A chubby hand patted his cheek. "Love Daddy," Minnie mumbled, her eyes half closed.

"And I love my Minnie," he answered, lowering her back into the cot and kissing the top of her head gently. "Night-night, pumpkin," he whispered, backing slowly toward the door.

As he reentered the family room, he winced at the mess, and noticed his wife was nowhere to be seen. Pulling his wand, he levitated the dirty plates and cups, and with brisk movements had them preceding him to the kitchen.

Casting a few cleaning charms behind him, he followed them to the sink, which he soon had filled with hot, soapy water. He sent a mental thanks to Molly Weasley as he cast the dish-washing spell she'd shown him so long ago, and headed toward the back door, snagging a jacket from the row of hooks on the wall.

As suspected, his wife was seated on the steps, staring into the night, arms wrapped around her knees. Summoning the baby monitor, he draped the jacket around her shoulders, and sat beside her with the monitor on the step between them. She glanced up questioningly.

"Crisis averted," he confirmed, running his hand over her hair once more. "Hermione, I am so, so sorry. I promise, this will never, ever happen again."

She was staring into the yard again, but in the dim light he thought he saw her lips quirk. "Please don't leave me," he added for good measure, making sure his best puppy dog face was firmly in position.

' _Yes, that was definitely a giggle,'_ he thought. Moving the monitor to his other side, he scooted closer and dropped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

Hermione sighed, and let her head drop to his shoulder. "I know you meant well, Harry. It was just such a wretched day. Jamie didn’t nap long and was a complete terror the entire afternoon, Minnie wasn't feeling well, the house was a total disaster, and then…." He could feel her body shaking. Glancing down quickly, he was glad to see she was laughing and not crying again. "Oh Gods, what I must have looked like!"

He kissed the top of her head. "As always, you were the most beautiful witch in the room."

She stared at him incredulously. "Harry James Potter, I will apparate to Hogwarts right now, get Albus's pensieve and pull that memory right out of your head to look at it myself if you ever again say anything that ridiculous!" She sighed, deflating. "I should probably do that anyway, and then visit each of our friends, and get their memories too. Then pitch that pensieve into the sea so that NO ONE will remember this day."

He was trying not to chuckle, because he was very aware that she was more than half serious. The look on her face told him he was not successful in pulling it off, but the twitch of her lips said she was starting to see the humorous side.

"It's bad enough they all had to see me in jeans I'd been wiping my hands on all day and my hair all over my head, standing in a complete sty," she continued, shooting him a sharp look, "but then Minnie threw up on me just as you were telling me there was going to be a surprise party, and then people started portkeying in saying "SURPRISE!" and tossing confetti around."

It really hadn't been his finest hour. He'd had the wonderful – he'd then thought – idea of throwing a surprise party for his wife's 30th birthday after the kids were in bed. He invited all their friends, and arranged for everyone to have portkeys to their family room ahead of time so that there wouldn't be cracks of apparition every few seconds.

Hermione, not knowing about the party, had invited Dominique and Victoire over to play with the kids that afternoon while Harry was at work. The four children had pretty much destroyed the house, after an unexpected rain shower had forced them all indoors. Hermione hadn't been overly fussed about it, since the plan had always been for the kids to have an early bedtime so that she could have an evening alone with her husband – she'd thought Harry could hastily straighten a bit while she grabbed a bubble bath, then the two of them could take themselves to bed and deal with the remaining lot Sunday morning.

"It's my fault too," Hermione sighed. "What on earth was I thinking shooing you into work this afternoon? Am I mental, thinking I could handle four children on my own?" She slumped into his side, and he kissed her head again.

"I shouldn't have gone." The new school term had started less than three weeks before. The Potter Primary Academy had doubled in size this year, and to say that the last few weeks had been chaotic was an understatement, to say the least. He’d cooked breakfast for the family, and whipped up a birthday cake that they’d had with lunch. After the mid-day meal, Hermione put the kids down for naps and Harry had gone in to work with her blessing to meet with Deidra and with Douglas Wilson, who they had hired this year as an additional Assistant Headmaster.

"No, I told you to," his wife replied absently, "But then Fleur comes to get her girls looking beautiful and perfect and _French_ , and I realized what an absolute fright I looked and how bad the house was…"

"If I had just gotten home by five, the way I'd planned, but Douglas kept asking questions…."

She smiled wryly. "You sent your Patronus, asking if you could miss dinner. I said it was fine. Of course, if I'd know we were expecting TWENTY PEOPLE…"

He winced. "Have I mentioned how terribly, terribly sorry I am? And how this will never, ever happen again?"

He'd lost track of time, telling Douglas about some of the excursions they had planned for the new school year, tossing around ideas for dividing duties, and answering questions Douglas had from his first few weeks on the job. Deidra actually thought he'd gone home long since. When she walked past his office on her own way out, planning to head home to collect Thomas before heading to the party herself, she'd been horrified. "Harry Potter! Do you know it's after 6:30?" He hadn't. And people were scheduled to arrive around 7:15.

He was apparating home before Douglas even understood their meeting was over. Arriving to find a house and a wife in extreme disarray and a wailing Minnie, he'd hustled Jamie off to bed a full twenty minutes earlier than usual. This of course, resulted in the reading of two stories, rather than one, which in turn meant it was nearly 6:55 when he'd run back to the family room. He barely registered that Minnie, sitting on Hermione's lap, was no longer crying but was looking a bit green.

Confessing to his wife that she was about to be a guest of honor at her own surprise birthday party, he was wincing at the look of absolute horror on her face when Minnie suddenly spit up all over Hermione's shirt. Before Hermione could react, George, Draco, Cassandra, Ron, Luna and Ginny arrived, all loudly whispering "SURPRISE!", tossing confetti and detonating flashing lights instead of the traditional noise-making devices.

"What you need, mate," George said, glancing about casually, "is a phone." Deftly lifting Minnie and casting a cleansing charm over Hermione's shirt, he tossed her a small, gaily wrapped box. "Luckily for you, the Wiz Wireless debuts next month and the birthday girl gets one a bit ahead of schedule. Happy birthday, Hermione!"

As Hermione stared in stunned disbelief at the people in her house and the box on her lap, Luna and Cassandra whirled into action, levitating toys back to the toy box, while Ginny dragged Hermione to her feet. "Get your daughter to bed, Potter," she said to Harry as she led his wife away and more people portkeyed into the room, all carrying drinks or platters of food in addition to presents. "We have a party about to start."

"Thank God for Ginny," Hermione said now. "At least the entire guest list didn't get to see me looking like a complete train wreck."

Harry winced again. "My ears are still ringing from the what-for Fleur read me when she and Bill got here and she saw what the house looked like. She knew immediately I must have stayed late at work."

Hermione smiled, a bit sadly he thought. "She looked perfect. Again. It's completely annoying."

Harry hugged her. "I didn't notice. You looked nice." She glared at him. "You know, when you came out again."

"I strongly considered stunning Ginny and apparating to Italy, I'll have you know. "

"I was a bit surprised when you burst into tears once everyone had gone. I know it was a bit of a rocky start, but I thought you were having a good time?"

"I'm glad if people couldn't tell, but I really never recovered from half our friends seeing me sitting in a pig sty with vomit on my shirt. And I'm just so _tired_ , Harry. It's been the longest day, and you know what the last couple of weeks have been like at work. I was knackered to death even before anyone got here. All I wanted the entire day was a long soak in the tub, followed by an early bedtime with my husband. I thought maybe if we went to bed early, we could both remain conscious long enough for birthday sex, and that maybe you'd get the kids up and let me sleep in a bit in the morning. I mean, that's what we talked about."

She stood up. "I know it seems silly, but when everyone had gone and I saw that the house was a wreck all over again, it hit me that I wasn't going to get what I'd asked for. And I was just so tired, I lost it a bit.“ She sighed. “I'm heading in to bed before I fall asleep on the steps."

Harry stood as well, staring at his wife in horror. "When we talked about your birthday, and you said all you wanted for your thirtieth was a bath and a shag and a bit of a lie-in the next day, I thought you were _joking_."

"Joking?" His wife was shaking her head in stunned surprise. "Harry, that is the bloody DREAM." After exchanging blank stares, suddenly they were both snorting with laughter.

He looped his arm over her shoulders as they walked to the bedroom. "Are you too knackered for that bath?"

She nodded emphatically. "And for that shag too, so don't get any ideas. I just want to sleep forever, and not dream of the look on George's face when he handed me that present."

He kissed her gently. "Go to bed, love. I'm going to finish cleaning so I'll crawl in later."

She shook her head. "You can clean after breakfast, which you'll be cooking by the way, after you get the kids up and dressed. While I'm sleeping. Right now, I want my Harry-shaped pillow."

He couldn't tell her no so he followed her into bed, pulling her into his arms as she laid her head on his chest. "In all the chaos, I never got to tell you about your birthday gift from me.” She chuckled as she answered, "You mean, besides a surprise party?"

He kissed her temple. "You sleep in, and after I feed them breakfast, I'm dropping the kids at Molly and Arthur's for the day. With their backpacks, because they're spending the night. Molly will take them to daycare on Monday."

"So wouldn't this be _Molly's_ present to me?" Molly and Arthur had been unable to attend the party, as they had been babysitting Victoire, Dominique and three month old Geoffrey.

He kissed her again. "Your present from me, Mrs. Potter, will be delivered after I return. And crawl back into bed with you."

She smiled slowly. "I like the sound of that. _Nox_." The lights went out.

"But Harry? Absolutely, positively no surprise birthday parties in this family ever again. Are we agreed?"

"We are."

There never, ever were. And **THAT** allowed them to live happily ever after.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are appreciated!


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